Now That’s What I Call a Thesis!

Yesterday I received the coolest package ever! Wrapped in two layers of cotton cloth, hand-sewn on the edges, sealed with blood-red wax and an impressive array of labels, stamps and other comments we all speculated about its contents for a while. Our guesses ranged from “looks like a bomb” (but then, how would it ever have made it through customs and its associated layers of border security), to “plain old textbook”, to “whatever it is – it looks impressive”.
Cameron supplied a knife and after a a few minutes of carefully cutting through the strings and seams we stared at the fanciest PhD thesis we’d ever seen.
It was over 300 pages in length (315 pages to be exact) and came with a request that asked me to complete a “detailed adjudication report”. Now, finally,  I recalled having responded to a very friendly request about a year ago to review a thesis, about 100 pages in length.Well, I should have read the fine-print: “about 100 pages of text” … In any case, they called me “Dear Sir”, which is more than I usually get around here, so off to the library I’ll go – adjudicating. Currently, the volume is sitting on my deck at home, under heavy guard from three of Oliver’s Navy seals (for scale). Just for reference: though there is no size requirement for Navy seals (I checked) the average height is 5’10”, so I might have to reinforce my deck to hold the weight of all that paper.
So, now that the new standard for theses is set: you seniors better get to work!

If anyone is interested in the rock magnetic properties of soils from Western Karnataka – let me know. Also, if you can show me Western Karnataka on the map I’ll personally get you a bratwurst at the next McCookout.

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