For class this past Tuesday, the focus was peer review of the introduction and body paragraphs of Team C’s personal research essays. In addition to reviewing our peer’s work, members of the class also filled out a worksheet in order to help establish what we need to improve in our own essays. Team A focused on the structure of Team C’s essays while Team B focused on the content of the essays. Team C read their writing aloud, which was a great way to catch any unseen grammar mistakes.
We began with Chris’s essay, which discussed his favorite movie: Finding Nemo. Chris explained that the “narrative accessibility and emotional directness” of the Disney film allowed him to relate to the story of Nemo. Chris explained that as a freshman in college, he has been placed in a new environment and was required to adapt, just like Nemo, who feels lost when separated from his father. Team B started with a number of useful comments on the content of Chris’ essay. Maeve pointed out Chris’ strong personal narrative and mentioning of the film’s cultural capital. Nicole mentioned that having the introduction split into two paragraphs is slightly distracting. She suggested reducing some of the summary and personal narrative, which could be saved for body paragraphs later in the essay. Maddie recommended more close reading throughout the essay because as a film, Finding Nemo has a number of great opportunities to close read. Team A then had a chance to comment on the structure of Chris’ essay. I noted that Chris might want to incorporate more analytical topic sentences. Most of his topic sentences relate to his personal narrative rather than his thesis and overall argument. Finally, Professor Bergen noted, “although your thesis does not necessarily have to be argumentative, make sure you maintain a high level of specificity in terms of what you are arguing”.
Next, Jon presented his essay on the movie Miracle. Jon explained that he “should feel ashamed for taking pride in his past success in lacrosse, but feels he should value the past in order to shape his future”. Beginning with comments on content, Mallika mentioned that Jon’s essay contained strong personal narrative, but she felt that there were too many quotations. Mallika felt that Jon should incorporate more close reading of the actual film: what makes the moment of the speech so intense? Next, team A was given the opportunity to comment on the structure of Jon’s essay. Nate commented on the repetitiveness of certain phrases such as “general consensus”. I suggested that Jon should try to incorporate transition sentences at the end of each paragraph in order to create a better flow throughout the essay. Finally, Professor Bergen advised Jon to make sure his paragraphs are all distinct, especially with the final sentence in each paragraph.
Follow Jon’s peer review, Stew read his essay aloud, which discussed Lord of the Rings. Stew focused on the forbidden fruit aspect of the movie. Stew was too young to watch the trilogy at first, so when he finally got the chance to see the films, it was very rewarding. Jumping into peer review, Nicole commented on the great mixture of close reading and personal narrative within Stew’s essay. Brynne suggested that Stew should pick a specific scene of the movie when discussing how the movie related to his QUEST experience and that he should incorporate close reading in this section. In terms of structure, I mentioned to Stew that he should avoid being broad with his argument; he mentioned the “excellent cinematography” within Lord of the Rings, but he needs to be more specific. What aspects of the cinematography make it your guilty pleasure?
Finally, Ryan presented his essay, which looked at his favorite childhood film and game: Pokémon. Ryan incorporated the quote, “I wanna be the very best, like no one ever was”, which was the basis of his argument. From a young age Ryan and all of his friends had a strong appreciation for the show. There was an undeniable sense of guilt due to the show’s stigma for being marketed to a young generation. Ryan’s sense of nostalgia involved with the show makes it a pleasure for him. Like many others, Brynne noted Ryan’s great use of the quote, which remained consistent and prevalent throughout his essay. Nicole recommended that there should to be more close reading within the essay, for example when comparing Charizard and Vanilluxe. I suggested that Ryan look into close reading the sounds and music within the show in order to further show what makes the show likable.
Overall, our class Tuesday served as a useful workshop for not only Team C, but for all members of the class. Everyone managed to reflect on areas of their own essay that could use revision. Student’s comments and suggestions proved to be helpful for members of Team C and provided them with a great foundation for revision.